Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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