Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
