Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think I am morally bankrupt
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
In other news, I just burned my penis
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
