tell your sister to shave her snatch
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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