I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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