Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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