I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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