jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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