Me. At least after what I've been through.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
