FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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