I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
