I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
