I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
