come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
