Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's never too late to be topless.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
