Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
