I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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