Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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