Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
These tits shall not be calmed
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
