I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
