He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
