I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
