I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
