sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
