I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
