Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
