i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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