so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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