Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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