She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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