he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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