I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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