shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
