If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
