so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
