Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
