I can tuck mytits in my pants
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
