He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
