I looked at my own cervix.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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