At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
