i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
