How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
