i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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