Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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