I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
