so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
