i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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