I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
