Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
