What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
